Don't Worry Be Happy

My family 1971, before I had a worry in the world.

Don’t Worry Be Happy!

Whew! I made it through spring break in one peace and that was no small task.  This week was comprised of my daughter’s senior college music recital - that included hanging with my ex and his entire family, followed by a four day holiday weekend – filled with cooking, eating and family. 

You might be asking yourself, “What does all this have to do with Don’t Worry, Be Happy?”  I’ll try to explain my train of thought, best to my ability and if I can remember. 

As of late these days I’ll come up with a great idea, it’s crystal clear in my head, makes perfect sense. I’m all excited about it and I can see the beginning, the middle and the end; but if I don’t get it on paper right away then there’s a good chance that I won’t remember it in just a few moments.

Ok back to the topic at hand, worrying.  Don’t Worry, Be Happy is easier said than done.  Not sure if it’s just me but, looking back I’ve determined I have spent an awful lot of time in my life worrying.  I worried about grades in school, does so and so like me, moving to a new school, job interviews, when will I find Mr. Right. 

I’ve worried about bills and expenses, insurance costs, will I make the cut for some party and of course endless taxes. 

I’ve even worried about having my home in perfect condition for “company,” and within seconds of their arrival, the house is turned upside down and no one even notices.

I’ve worried about first impressions, political correctness, identity theft and contagious infections. My children and family members, this goes without saying.  In spite of all the worrying, I’m still alive and well (some days more so than others) and all my bills are paid.

Uggh! When does all this worrying stop?  Yes, yes I know the answer to that, when we are dead!  Well I’ve come to realize, shush don’t tell your kids if you want grandchildren, but worrying for your children never ever, ever stops.  I guess it waxes and wanes dependent upon what’s going on. 

Recently oye, did I stress and worry before my daughter’s college music recital. This was after all a big megillah, it was the culmination of her four years in college and a big portion of her music education grade was base upon this performance.  No pressure, right? She had to play 6 solo oboe pieces, the last was actually a piece written by my late father.  Not only was I stressing out but so was my daughter, rightly so.  But she was supposed to be my rock.  To top it off I was going to see all, and I mean all of my ex-husband’s relatives.  I hadn’t seen them in over 17 years.  I had to put on a brave face for her as to not add additional aggravation to her life.  After all it was really all about her, right?

Again where am I going with this? Mmmm…..oh yea! All that worrying was for nothing. It all turned out wonderfully.  She really looked beautiful in her red full length gown with an asymmetrical top.  She was glowing.  She performed superbly. The dinner afterwards was way better than I expected.  You could even call it pleasant.  It was actually very nice to talk with some of my ex-in-laws.  And to boot, my daughter worked the room like a pro.  She made sure to talk to every single relative that was there with a smile on her face.  My husband and I both felt that this truly gave us a glimpse as to what we could expect at her wedding.  It’s not so bad (said with a stereotypical Jewish accent).

While doing research on the topic of worrying I came across some very interesting and thought provoking information: quotes, religious psalms and the one I like the best, Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.  He broke down the whole concept of worrying into 7 simple and interesting chapters. 

I wrestled with what and how would be the best way to share this information with you, because there is a lot.  Being that I felt so strongly that they each had their place in shedding some perspective on worrying and that they were all really good food for thought, I have included it all. 

Please feel free to peruse at your own leisure and I hope you do.  I also hope that you find it as interesting as I did.  Let me know if you do or if you find any of it helpful or have any other thoughts you might like to share.

I love this quote this is so true and even more so about us type “A” personalities, me included.

 “Worrying is all about the illusion of control. When you worry, you are expending energy, and it feels like you are doing something… When you stop worrying, you free up energy that can be used more productively.” Tammy Cravit, Writer

Psalms

Matthew 6:27-29
Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.

Proverbs 12:25
Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Dale Carnegie’s How to Stop Worrying and Start Living I love the straight forwardness of his writing.. http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/stop-worry.html “This is Dale Carnegie's summary of his book, from 1948

Table of Contents

1.     Fundamental facts you should know about worry

2.     Basic techniques in analyzing worry

3.     How to break the worry habit before it breaks you

4.     Seven ways to cultivate a mental attitude that will bring you peace and happiness

5.     The perfect way to conquer worry

6.     How to keep from worrying about criticism

7.     Six ways to prevent fatigue and worry and keep your energy and spirits high

Part One

Fundamental facts you should know about worry

1. If you want to avoid worry, do what Sir William Osler did: Live in "day-tight compartments." Don't stew about the futures. Just live each day u ntil bedtime.
2. The next time Trouble--with a Capital T--backs you up in a corner, try the magic formula of Willis H. Carrier:
   1. Ask yourself, "What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can't solve my problem?
   2. Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst--if necessary.
   3. Then calmly try to improve upon the worst--which you have already mentally agreed to accept.
3. Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your health. "Those who do not know how to fight worry die young."

Part Two

Basic techniques in analyzing worry

1. Get the facts. Remember that Dean Hawkes of Columbia University said that "half the worry in the world is caused by people trying to make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision."
2. After carefully weighing all the facts, come to a decision.
3. Once a decision is carefully reached, act! Get busy carrying out your decision--and dismiss all anxiety about the outcome.
4. When you, or any of your associates, are tempted to worry about a problem, write out and answer the following questions:
   1. What is the problem?
   2. What is the cause of the problem?
   3. What are all possible solutions?
   4. What is the best solution?

Part Three

How to break the worry habit before it breaks you

1. Crowd worry out of your mind by keeping busy. Plenty of action is one of the best therapies ever devised for curing "wibber gibbers."
2. Don't fuss about trifles. Don't permit little things--the mere termites of life--to ruin your happines.
3. Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries. Ask yourself: "What are the odds against this thing's happening at all?"
4. Co-operate with the inevitable. If you know a circumstance is beyond your power to change or revise, say to yourself: "It is so; it cannot be otherwise."
5. Put a "stop-less" order on your worries. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth--and refuse to give it anymore.
6. Let the past bury its dead. Don't saw sawdust.

Part Four

Seven ways to cultivate a mental attitude that will bring you peace and happiness

1. Let's fill our minds with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope, for "our life is what our thoughts make it."
2. Let's never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let's do as General Eisenhower does: let's never waste a minute thinking about people we don't like.
3.  
   1. Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let's expect it. Let's remember that Jesus healed ten lepers in one day--and only one thanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?
   2. Let's remember that the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude--but to give for the joy of giving.
   3. Let's remember that gratitude is a "cultivated" trait; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.
4. Count your blessings--not your troubles!
5. Let's not imitate others. Let's find ourselves and be ourselves, for "envy is ignorance" and "imitation is suicide."
6. When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make a lemonade.
7. Let's forget our own unhappiness--by trying to create a little happiness for others. "When you are good to others, you are best to yourself."

Part Five

The perfect way to conquer worry

1. Prayer

Part Six

How to keep from worrying about criticism

1. Unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. It often means that you have aroused jealousy and envy. Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.
2. Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your neck.
3. Let's keep a record of the fool things we have done and criticize ourselves. Since we can't hope to be perfect, let's do what E.H. Little did: let's ask for unbiased, helpful, constructive criticism.

Part Seven

Six ways to prevent fatigue and worry and keep your energy and spirits high

1. Rest before you get tired.
2. Learn to relax at your work.
3. Learn to relax at home.
4. Apply these four good workings habits:
   1. Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem at hand.
   2. Do things in the order of their importance.
   3. When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts to make a decision.
   4. Learn to organize, deputize, and supervise.
5. To prevent worry and fatigue, put enthusiasm into your work.
6. Remember, no one was ever killed by lack of sleep. It is worrying about insomnia that does the damage--not the insomnia.”

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